


somewhere i have never travelled

by summerofspock



Series: why must itself up every of a park (the ee cummings cycle) [8]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Accidental Bonding, Comfort No Hurt, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-23
Updated: 2017-03-23
Packaged: 2018-10-09 18:57:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10418892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/summerofspock/pseuds/summerofspock
Summary: Kirk wants to convince Spock to give this bond a try. He knows he screwed up but how is he supposed to fix things if Spock won't even look at him?





	

**Author's Note:**

> this is the second to last installment in this series. thanks for sticking through (i've been writing this for years). the next chapter is written but needs a little TLC before posting.
> 
> title from somewhere i have never travelled by ee cummings (poem in end note)

Jim watches the line of Spock’s back at his console. He didn’t know shoulder blades could look quite so angry. Spock refuses to make eye contact with Jim; every time business forces them to interact, Spock stares at something just above Jim’s right shoulder. This is their first shift together since the disastrous pon farr incident and Jim is determined. Jim tries to chase down Spock’s gaze but his First is stalwart. Not that Jim would have expected anything less.

After the fight in Jim’s quarters, their orders forced them to return to the course of their diplomatic mission. Jim can still feel Spock in his mind, burning like some forgotten ember. It makes it difficult to focus when the only thing Jim has to occupy him is a blank viewscreen. Diplomatic missions are the worst.

The bond, or whatever it is, increases the feeling of restlessness in his own skin that Jim has had for company his whole life. His professors at the academy would snap at him to stop fidgeting. Jim can feel the ghost of movement constantly reverberating on the other end, and as skin-crawling uncomfortable it is now, he remembers what it felt like together with Spock during his pon farr, where there was affection and skin contact. Jim had never felt so settled. Like coming home to a low fire, a warm blanket and someone who loves you.

He clears his throat and shifts in his seat before his eyes inevitably drift back to Spock. How can he fix this?

After what feels like an interminably long shift watching the stars blur by, Jim slides out of the chair and skips off the bridge as soon as Uhura vacates her seat to make sure they catch the turbolift together. She raises one perfectly sculpted eyebrow at him as he fumbles into the elevator.

“Uhura!” he says like he hasn’t ever been so glad to see someone in his life.

The moment the turbolift doors whoosh shut, Jim is overtaken by a feeling of cold absence slithering down his spine and he suppresses a shiver. Instead of curling up into a ball like he suddenly wants to, he smiles at his Communications Officer.

“Yes, Captain?” Uhura says politely, crossing her arms over her chest and Jim gets the distinct impression she is silently laughing at him.

“What do you know about Vulcan bonds?” Jim asks, still fighting the discomfort winding its way up his spinal cord and losing some of the presence of mind he was hoping he could approach this situation with. All in all it comes out less coolly than he intended.

“Excuse me?” Uhura asks, clearly not expecting a question like that from Jim of all people.

“Bonds,” Jim chokes out. Somehow the discomfort has turned to nausea and well, if that doesn’t just suck.

Uhura seems to be able to tell something is off so she puts her hand on Jim’s shoulder. “I can forward you some notes I have from my xenobiology classes at the Academy. It’s not a lot but maybe it will answer your questions…”

She drifts off like Jim will interrupt her but he’s preoccupied by the sudden urge to vomit. The turbolift opens on the officer’s floor and Jim follows Uhura out in a daze. “And Spock?”

“And Spock what?” Uhura asks, not unkindly.

“What does he like?” Go Jim. That’s not creepy at all.

“What does...Spock...like,” Uhura repeats before a knowing smiles populates her face. “Well, Captain, if I didn’t know better I would think you’re trying to marry Spock.”

Jim tries to come up with a suitably pithy response but he’s too busy passing out against the wall.

***

Jim comes to in a too warm room, the scent of cinnamon in his nostrils. He knows where he is immediately. He opens his eyes to the warm light of Spock’s room. He turns his head when he hears something shift to his right. Spock is perched on edge of the bed. He looks distinctly uncomfortable, like a butterfly waiting to be pinned to a board. Something in Jim aches to close the distance between them, but he refrains.

“Why am I in your room?” Jim asks, trying to keep his tone neutral. Spock bristles all the same.

“My quarters were the closest to the site of your recent lapse in consciousness. It was most logical to…”

Jim closes his eyes and sighs. “Right. Logical. How were you even close enough to take me to your room?”

Jim thinks it would be impossible for someone to look more uncomfortable than Spock does in that moment. “...I felt it.”

Jim’s eyes snap open and immediately back to Spock’s face, desperate to read something there. He’s looking for any shred of hope in this stupid out of control situation. He shifts himself into a sitting position, reveling in the feel of Spock’s eyes on his own after a day of missing him. He feels warm. “You felt it?”

Spock purses his lips minutely. “Despite being in a fledgling state, the bond formed between us is strong enough for either one of us to sense when the other is in distress.”

“Oh,’ Jim responds looking down at his fingers where they are tangled in Spock’s regulation sheets. “Where’s Bones?”

Spock bares his teeth for a fraction of a second and the predatory gesture settles something in Jim’s stomach. The bond. “I insisted that the doctor leave you in my care.”

“Look, Spock, I know you’re angry with me for what I did but I--”

“Please, Captain. Do not. I would prefer not to speak of the matter.”

Jim grits his teeth. “Fine. But I need Bones to look me over. I can’t be passing out in the middle of shift. Is that fine with you?” Jim asks with no little amount of vitriol in his tone.

Spock has the decency to look sheepish. Or as sheepish as a Vulcan can look. “There is no need.”

“Spock. I fainted in the goddamn hallway for no reason.”

“The reason is the bond.” Spock says quickly, cutting through the beginning of Jim’s tirade.

Jim blinks. “The bond…”

“As it stands, the bond formed rather spontaneously during our...coupling.” Spock says like he dislikes the taste of the words in his mouth. “On Vulcan, newly bonded couples are afforded the opportunity to allow the bond to settle. This requires both physical proximity and contact. In most cases, the settling can take 1 to 2 weeks. Without the settling, the bond can cause physical duress in both parties”

Jim breathes deeply and lets the information settled. “You’ve purposely avoided me for the last day and half while knowing that it might make me sick?”

Spock purses his lips. “I erroneously believed that allowing the bond to settle would make it more difficult to break once we reach the Vulcan colony. I apologize for causing you discomfort.”

“Thought you’d be celebrating. Don’t you hate me now or something.” Jim knows he sounds like a petulant child but he doesn’t care. Spock’s being a dick.

“My decision to break the bond has nothing to do with my regard for you as we both know.”

Before Jim can parse that, Spock stands. “If it all possible, we should align our schedules to be within each other’s sight for the duration of our trip to New Vulcan. With your permission, I will make the necessary arrangements.”

Jim flops back onto the bed and closes his eyes even though the only discomfort he feels is a tingling in the tips of his fingers. He’s pretty sure it’s the bond’s way of asking for physical contact. “Go ahead Mr. Spock.”

“Are you certain you will be able to spend extended periods of time in my presence? You may also wish to consider temporarily sleeping in my quarters. The bond will cause you pain otherwise. I am perfectly able to find my rest on the ground or perhaps on a cot…”

Jim realizes Spock is rambling and he smiles to himself. Clambering off the bed, Jim crosses to where Spock’s desk where his XO stands, booting up his administrative terminal.  
Jim wraps his arms around Spock from behind and immediately the tingling in his limbs quiets. Spock jerks to attention and his whole body stiffens.

JIm leans his cheek against Spock’s shoulder and rubs his hands up and down Spock’s arms. “What are you doing?” Spock asks, his voice quiet.

“I want to hold you. Is that ok?”

“It is expected that the bond will engender false feelings of affection between the two bonded parties,” Spock explains.

Jim shakes his head, relishing the scratch of Spock’s uniform against his cheek. “No. I want to hold you. Bonds be damned.”

Spock hums and some of the tension melts away. “Jim, I must work on our schedules.”

Jim’s smile threatens to overwhelm his face as he presses his forehead more firmly into Spock’s back. “Ok, but when you’re done, come cuddle. I want to feel you.”

Jim doesn’t think he’s imagining the green tinge to Spock’s cheeks as he settles in front of the terminal. Crossing to the bed, Jim is happy just to watch him. The pain in his chest from earlier is gone and he feels buoyed by hope. Spock called him Jim. Not Captain. Not Sir. He hasn’t called him that since before the pon farr. He flops back onto the bed and can’t help but think that this must be something like love.

Satisfied, Jim stretches his arms beneath his head and lets out a groan. Spock’s eyes immediately train on his taut body before he relaxes and Jim has what may be an ill-advised idea. But since when has an idea being ill-advised stopped him from doing it? Jim’s always been a ride or die kind of guy.

Pretending he hasn’t noticed Spock’s sudden attention, Jim extends the stretch until his uniform has ridden up past his hips, exposing a strip of his skin dusted with brown-gold hair. He licks his lips and sits up, first tugging down the offending garment before undoing the zip at his shoulder.

“It’s awfully warm in here, Spock. Do you mind if I take off my shirt?” Jim asks, all unerring politeness and wide blue eyes.

Jim wants to see a visible reaction on Spock’s face but is met with absolute stillness, which is almost as good. “Please make yourself comfortable, Captain.”

A little disappointed at the return to ranks, Jim lifts the uniform shirt over his head and is left only in his black undershirt. He tosses the yellow garment to the side and runs his hands down his chest in a show of smoothing down the cotton fabric that decidedly does not need smoothing. He maybe lingers on his pecs a bit longer than is decent. He lets out another groan of pleasure.

“Oh man that’s a lot better. Maybe I should take off my pants too. The belt’s a little tight,” Jim says as he stands, tugging at the strip of leather.

Spock raises a eyebrow.

Taking that as permission, Jim undoes the metal clasp and slips the belt through the loops of his pants. With a satisfying snick, it passes through the final loop and he casts it atop the uniform top. He undoes the top button of his pants and places his thumbs under the waistband of his briefs, running them across his hip bones.

He locks eyes with Spock and smirks. The green is high on his cheeks and he is definitely not working on their schedule. The heat in his eyes stirs a similar fire in Jim’s belly and he brings his hands back to his fly. He slides the zipper down.

Once his pants have joined his shirt on the floor, Jim reclines on the bed and casually palms his cock through his boxer briefs under the guise of readjusting. Spock clears his throat. “I’ve finished adjusting our schedules,” he announces, his voice too loud between them.

Jim grins. “Come cuddle, Spock.”

Spocks rises slowly and crosses the bed. Jim can tell there’s some serious war going on in that brilliant mind of his so he reaches out a hand and makes his smile warmer, less predatory. “I’m not going to bite.”

Jim thinks he’s hears Spock murmur, “I am not afraid of what you will do.”

He decides to ignore it since he’s not sure he was supposed to hear it in the first place. He laces their fingers together and tugs. “C’mon Spock. I need you.”

The contact between their hands buzzes and makes Jim feel lightheaded. This bond thing is crazy. It makes him wonder what the sex will be like. But that’s getting ahead of himself.

Spock folds himself onto the bed beside Jim. “Want to be the big spoon or the little spoon?”

Spock raises an eyebrow in question as Jim tries to maneuver himself between Spock’s limbs. Jim huffs a laugh. “Nevermind. Hold me, Commander,” he says as he fights to keep a straight face.

“Is that a direct order, Captain?” Spock replies and Jim’s heart soars at the teasing tone. He’ll win Spock over yet.

“Damn straight, Spock.”

Jim draws Spock’s arm over his shoulders and cuddles up to his side. He hums contentedly as warmth spreads through his body. He feels like a lightbulb someone has just turned on. Everything feels bright.

He presses his cheek into Spock’s chest and keeps their fingers tangled. It means he’s laying on his own arm but it’s worth it for the way that Spock’s breath catches every time Jim runs his thumb over his knuckles. He vaguely remembers sucking on Spock’s fingers during one of their many previous encounters and the way that Spock’s pupils has blown wide and a moan had caught in his throat.

Jim decides he should think of something less arousing or else Spock might notice the situation in his shorts.

Releasing Spock’s hand, Jim sits up and pushes against Spock’s side playfully. “Take of your shirt too. I want to feel you.”

Expecting a bit of a fight, Jim is pleased when Spock doesn’t respond, merely sits up and sheds his uniform shirt. Immediately, he plasters himself against Spock once he lies back down. “God, you’re so warm.”

“Would you like me to adjust the temperature, Jim?”

“No. Just hold me.”

Spock’s arm tightens minutely around his shoulders and they fall asleep with the lights at 100%, too comfortable to even speak the words that could send them into darkness.

Jim doesn’t think he’s ever slept better. He could get used to this.

**Author's Note:**

> somewhere i have never travelled,gladly beyond  
> any experience,your eyes have their silence:  
> in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,  
> or which i cannot touch because they are too near
> 
> your slightest look easily will unclose me  
> though i have closed myself as fingers,  
> you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens  
> (touching skilfully,mysteriously)her first rose
> 
> or if your wish be to close me,i and  
> my life will shut very beautifully,suddenly,  
> as when the heart of this flower imagines  
> the snow carefully everywhere descending;
> 
> nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals  
> the power of your intense fragility:whose texture  
> compels me with the colour of its countries,  
> rendering death and forever with each breathing


End file.
